Well, since Damon was press-ganged, there must be a war on, and th woman seems like she wsa planted there as some kind of spy or with some special secret mission. The fact that she knows his name and picked him out of everyone else for attention means that he has some kind of "secret importance" that even he doesn't know about.

Now, I have some comments. Don't take them as criticism, but as me seeing great potential. You don't have to pay attention to them, the story is fantastic as it is, I just can't help butting in.

First of all, I'm a little confused about the perspective of the narrative. In the beginning, you mention "a motley bunch in differing degrees of shock and fear" which sounds to me like an omniscient narrator. But later, even though you use 3rd person language (he vs. I), the story is clearly being told through Damon's eyes: "Why isn't someone shouting? Don't they care? Aren't they frightened?" It sounds a bit contradictory to the first description. Personally, I think the story works much better from just Damon's perspective. Imagine it as a film: from the omniscient perspective, with multiple cameras seeing things at different angles, it's a typical sci-fi flick ("Ooh look at the big spaceship with all the cool technology.") Then imagine just one camera, filming everything as seen through Damon's eyes. It's much more intimate, sensual, intense, emotional and suspenseful.

I don't like the "sword of Damocles" line. It's a cliche, and you have a great talent for creating interesting, original metaphors, so why don't you?

"Her face was so friendly with a warmth and honest concern"--Can you describe her features? What makes her look warm, friendly, honest concerned? Her eyes, her smile? What is there about her face or body that makes Damon see her as delicate? If you're writing it from a first-person perspective, I think it's good to have concrete physical descriptions. Describe just what Damon sees.

I'm a bit confused about what happens after the kiss. How much time elapses between the kiss and when she yells "Damon" and tries to pull him through the door? Maybe you could describe the surroundings, as Damon sees them, as he walks through the corridor. This could give the reader more of a sense of place and time elapsed. Even if it's just passing an area of chipped paint on the walls or scuff marks on the floor or something. Passing other corridors, or doors, or signs would make things interesting. Also smells, because Damon goes into sort of a trance state, and smells speak to the primitive, pre-human part of your psyche.

I hope you didn't mind me butting in like that. I really do think it's excellent and I hope you write more soon. As I said before, it's wonderful as it is and you don't have to change a thing