12-07-2004, 02:16 AM
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Ponderer
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Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 22
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Marcia
Hi again, Babydreamer.
I think the car accident situation has to do with feeling out of control. Your frustration with EJ's behavior also seems to indicate to me something about feeling unable to control your feelings toward/relationship with him.
Hope that helped a bit  |
Hey Marcia
Yes that does help
But the thing is, sometimes I get so stuck in my fear that I move forward but I never get anywhere....sorta like in my first dream that I wrote about
I see something familiar...I feel like I'm moving towards an answer but something shifts & I go back to the beginning
Generally speaking EJ is a good guy who has repeatedly tried to help me with my past & how that affects me but I think that I dont like being out of control
And most of the dreams that scare me are about me not being in control
Not being able to control how the other person feels about me...not being able to know if I'll be rejected or not...which in essence seems like such shit
I've known EJ since I was 17....I'm 30 now....he's HAD plenty of chances to escape  & he's told me more than a few times that hes not leaving that he will be in my life in some fashion
Yet I just can't shake this fear & this is how it plays out...its always dark & scary in my dreams....somethng is always threatening me & EJ always seems just out of reach, close enough to touch yet for whatever reason...I cant reach him
In real life he's not like that...hes very straight forward...I think my fear just puts him in another light in my head and I dont know how to undo that 
He encourages me to talk to him all the time but I always feel like if I put it all out there...then I'll be the puppet....he'll be the puppetmaster and all hell will break loose 
You'd think I'd know better 
EJ does know that I care about him, but he has made comments that lead me to believe that he doesnt know how deep it is for me and he doesnt know how much I suffer over this 
I wish it werent so
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