Okay, so where do I begin?

In elementary school, I had a crush on this boy named Billy. We both went to different middle schools, but we went to the same high school. In high school, I had a major, MAJOR crush on him. I cannot even explain how much I liked this kid. He was a grade ahead of me, but we were pretty good friends. We joked around a lot, play fighting and flirting, I guess you could say. I'm not sure if he liked me, I wasn't really his type, I was into the whole emo thing, and he hung out with all the wanna-be gangsters. but there's this one time that I keep thinking about that makes me think he might have.. We were alone in one of the hallways in school one morning, and it was raining pretty bad out. He grabbed me and was pulling me towards the door, pretending he was going to throw me in the rain, but then he pushed me against the lockers, and we were pretty close, and I swore he was going to kiss me, but people started coming in, and he let me go. There would be times he'd wink at me, blow me kisses, stuff like that. He even carved his name into my locker. Also, one of my friends, veronica, well.. I don't think I'd call her a friend, but either way, she was obsessed with Billy. (just mentioning her, b/c she is often in my dreams). She would constantly leave notes in his locker, follow him around. Which he wasn't too fond of. He graduated in 2005. I graduated in 2006. The last time I saw him was in November of 2006, at our school's thanksgiving day football game. I didn't even know he was there until I was leaving and he followed me out, and jumped on my back and hugged me.

Now I have a boyfriend, we've been together for 3 years now. I also knew him since elementary school. I've been having dreams about Billy lately. I've been having them for years. I'll have a few dreams a few times in a week, then like, a month or so could go by, and I'd start having the dreams again. There's different variations of them, but in every single one, in my dreams, I'll run into Billy in a random place.. On a bus, in a store, or sometimes I'll even be back in high school again. And it's always the same thing, he tells me he really missed me, that he really loves me. Then around that point, Veronica shows up and tries to stop him from telling me his feelings. Sometimes my boyfriend is in my dreams, and I'd cheat on him, but I would always feel guilty and I'd always wake up before I could tell him that I cheated. After I wake up, I just can't stop thinking about him. I've tried to find him online, but he isn't on any networking sites, and none of our old friends have kept in contact with him. It's just driving me crazy, and I feel horrible about having these dreams, because I do love my boyfriend, I mean, we're even talking about getting married soon. I just want to know what this all means.

It could be that you are feeling nervous about getting married and thinking about what you might be missing if you have to spend the rest of your life with one person and never have the opportunity to date other guys again, including finding out where your relationship with Billy might have gone if you had givein it a chance to go further. You are worried about what you might be giving up once you get married.