This has been happening to me a lot lately.

I lie awake frozen. Sometimes, I'm able to come out of it and move. Other times, I have to fight and fight it. I'll wake up able to move for a minute, and then be so tired, I give up and go back to sleep.

Tonight, I tried to break the spell, because I think, what if I roll over onto my daughter, know it, and can't wake up? It doesn't happen.. but

I then have, well, lucid night terrors pretty much. It freaked me out because my eyes are open and I can see everything, but I cannot move no matter how hard I try. I see my daughter laying in front of me, like she really is, and then her body turns to mud, like she is made out of mud. My body starts to drift away from her. I feel scared of what I am seeing and I think irrationally, like almost as though spirits are fucking with me, but I know that really it's my mind playing tricks on me from sleep deprivation, well, I know the rational part upon true waking. I drift in and out of sleep, but lie awake, frozen, just thinking so many times. When I finally awake, I jerk up and look at the time on my phone. Sometimes I look, and I see a fake time, because I only think I'm awake but I'm not. I must be laying there motionless still. But when I really awaken, the time is usually different, and I feel confused as all hell. And then sometimes I'll do something, like set an alarm on my phone to wake up later, I'll actually make this alarm, but I can't tell if I dreamed I did or if I really did. And then when I turn the alarm off, I don't know if I'm dreaming I did or if I really did.

Another thing that happened to me, I heard a loud pounding noise, like a jackhammer while I was frozen. I assumed the noise was real because part of my house is a construction zone right now pretty much. Part of it is still being built, like in real life. So I assumed it was that. But when I woke up, it was like slowly the noise quieted until I realized it was only the fan, amplified by a hundred fold in my sleep.

No wonder I sleep so much and never feel rested... I'm not really sleeping per say.

What you are experiencing is known as sleep paralysis.

You can find out more about it here:

Sleep Paralysis

A very simplified explanation is that your mind is waking up while your body is still asleep.

It is harmless and usually caused by stress or lack of sleep. Have you been under a lot of stress lately?

If it happens very often it can be a symptom of narcolepsy.

Sleep paralysis can be associated with feelings of terror and with hallucinations, often auditory hallucinations, a feeling that there is some sort of scary terrible being or monster in the room, and a feeling that someone is crushing your chest and suffocating you.

For most people, sleep paralysis is very frightening but some people have learned to just relax and enjoy it, because it can lead to an out of body experience.

I am supposed to be getting tested for sleep apnea, but I missed the appt. I got a psych eval., and I guess no PPD or anything. I was told I have PTSD, but this happened to me long before what caused my PTSD

What do you mean this happened to you before what caused your PTSD? PTSD would be related to a trauma from your past, and your sleep paralysis is happening now. Sorry, I'm confused.

What Im trying to say is that when I was evaluated by the shrink, I was told that my nightmares and sleep paralysis were associated with me having PTSD, however, I experienced sleep paralysis long before I encountered the event in my life that caused PTSD. Sorry, I see my use of pronouns was confusing.

Well, it can be caused by stress and lack of sleep. If it happens frequently, you might consider going to a sleep center to have your sleep cycles tested.