hi everyone,

im new to this site and i just wanted to share this with someone, you know put it out there to get this off my chest. I dont really know what this dream means but i have a theory...

here is some background on myself...

No, i dont play football, just my username. Actually im 17 and have been crushing on this girl, Courtney, for awhile now. But, another girl who has been in my life since i was 8, Michelle, has recently appealed to me also. One problem...im a 17 year-old girl who has been hiding this secret for nearly 2 years now. Neither Courtney nor Michelle has any idea i have feelings for them, nor do i really know im a lesbian..am i confused??..should i hang around guys more?? I have no idea, so maybe your posts can help. I play soccer, both of which Michelle and Courtney are on my team. As you could imagine, they are the most beautiful, funny, smart, and the utmost talented at soccer...yet im pretty sure neither are interested in other girls. I know i better get over them fast or i will lose them forever. I am the type of person who can make friends with anyone and wouldnt do anything to jeopordize a very strong and inimitable friendship. Both girls see me as a loyal friend that they trust with all their heart. Anyway, lets get to the dream...its kinda weird as you could probably imagine...

the dream...

it took place at what you would call a soccer meeting. i arrived and for some reason we were all gathered by the vending machines. My whole team was there and i saw Courtney talking to Michelle, so i headed in the direction toward them. I approached Courtney from behind and put my hand on the small of her back as if to turn and give her a hug. There wasnt much eye-contact before she turned and started walking toward the "meeting circle" with Michelle. I didnt seem to mind and decided to get something from the vending machine. Apparently i was torn between two candy choices. One was on 'sale' and the other was JUST AS appealing. i like saving money, which was why the choice seemed so difficult for me. in the dream, i was practically having an anxiety attack over making the decision. i was sweating, full of panic, and pacing. I woke up before i could make a decision. what does this mean?

my theory...

My theory is that Michelle was one candy and Courtney was the other. I am emotionally torn between these two girls, yet i know that i cant have either. it breaks my heart to see either of them go to someone else, but i keep that emotion within myself. i think the best way is to keep my mouth shut because if i do show any REAL feelings toward them, word might get around that im a lesbian. that is social suicide for a 17 year-old teen like me. so i keep it inside and all i can think about is the next time i will be able to see them again. no one else gives me that happy, butterfly feeling and i dont want to lose their friendships. they mean a lot to me and i only want the best for them..even if it isnt with me.

Hi, and welcome to the forum.

I remember my teen years and they were sheer hell. You are at an age now where you will be confused about your life's direction. I've been there, so all I can say is hang in there!

How would your family accept a gay daughter? Do they openly discuss social issues? Are they religious? You should take these things into account. Sometimes it's best to wait until you are more emotionally mature to handle their reaction.

In the meantime, what you could do is seek counseling discretely. If you are comfortable in your sexuality, then don't seek a pastor or church elder, but a professional psychologist instead.

Take Care, and good luck!

Thought I'd reply...

If you are a lesbian than you shouldn't try and change that because it is just who you are, and you should always accept yourself even if others don't. Though I don't think telling you are a lesbian at 17 is a very good idea since a lot of people will make it harder for you.

There are definatly a lot of other people out there and if you are in love with someone who does not 'like' girls and you are a girl, than it's not meant to be, even if it would seem that way now.

Just keep up and remember that you will find someone else one day.