This needs background info first.

I like a guy named Mark, he's two years older than me&my friend's brother. I told him I liked him, he didn't return the feelings but it's ok. We're just,like,ignoring each other now. It's kind of awkward&all I want is to talk to him face-to-face about it since I told him online (but that's a different story).

There's another guy, Rob, who I thought I liked and kind of flirted with but I realized I was just using him to get over Mark&that's not fair so I decided to stop. Unfortunately there was this dance&I was hanging with a group of friends (including mark)&a slow song came on&mark danced with this girl&I didn't want to feel sad anymore so I danced with rob&felt horrible about it (he might like me now).

anyway! my dream is...we're at the dance&I'm dancing with rob when he kisses me hard. im disgusted&upset cause it's my first kiss I say (to myself) that it doesn't count as a first kiss. I run away&mark chases after me&kisses me.

Now just thinking of rob touching me or talking to me or looking at me disgusts me

it may be telling you to wait for that first time because your never gonna another first time and it should be in a condition you are comfortable in.