Recurring theme
Over the last 3 weeks, I've been having dreams about my father. In every dream, he's mean. I have a foreboding feeling of fear, dread, and the like every time I dream about him. I've dreamt about him at least 4 times over the past few weeks. One time he was screaming at me at the top of his lungs. Another time he was speaking in a very low voice but he was very, very angry. That time, he said something like, "What do you want me to do about it?" Last night he called my brother on the phone, and for some reason my brother and I were hanging out, and the tone of his voice was again very, very angry--almost rageous--and he asked my brother, "Where is your sister?" Both my brother and I are now in our 30's. My father will be 70 this year.
For some background: about 13 years ago, my father was particularly hateful and as a result, I pulled away, asserting my new independence (my own apt., car, paid my own way, etc.). I was in my early 20's. He would call on the phone and leave hateful messages. He would write hateful letters. He is also an alcoholic and was, at the time, almost at rock-bottom. So for 10 years, we didn't speak, and the times we did, he was again hateful. So I've spent all this time building my life to some degree of personal and professional success, and now these dreams are surfacing--and the feelings, once again. In waking hours I do not fear him, but in my dreams when he is present, the fear that I once had comes back.
I don't understand why these are surfacing now. Why would it take so long? What are these dreams trying to tell me, and so frequently and suddenly recurring? I don't even know the right questions to ask because I'm just baffled.
Any insight?
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