Yes and yes. There are 2 unrelated situations that could fit....
My son had legal issues when he was in HS. Although, in both cases, he had broken rules, he was not guilty of what he was accused of. The first legal case took 18 mo and it was dismissed. The second took almost a year and my son was closing in on turning 18 and graduating and chose to take a plea deal to get it over with and move on with his life. He joined the Army and was doing well until this past Sept 18th. (He had been in over a year.) Once again, he has made mistakes...(showing up late to work....'disrespecting' an NCO), but is not guilty of the 2 serious charges. (Latest info from lawyer - former marine JAG - was that they would most likely Article 15 him and move on.)
The second has been a personal relationship. We started dating 4 years ago. We were both separated from our spouses. My divorce was final a year later. He never filed. There have been numerous reasons why......(excuses).
Understand that he has indicated that he intended to make our relationship permanent. He never indicated when until about a year ago. We moved in together after he returned from Iraq. His PTSD like behavior had us deciding that this was not the time, so he moved out. We decided to 'date' until all of our children were grown. (I have 2 left at home - 16 and 13 and he has 3 still living at him with their mother - 17, 13 and 10).
As recently as last week he said "I want to spend the rest of my life with you". Then, he 'defined' that..... He would have his place, I would have mine. We would be 'together' at each for part of the year (part time at mine part time at his). I'm thinking - what?????
So finally, I query him on his intentions wrt to finally getting a divorce and whether we would actually marry. He says that he doesn't want the ex to get 1/2 his retirement which is why he hasn't actually divorced her. (BTW - they live in 2 different cities 5 hours apart). He said that we are in a committed relationship now and that he doesn't see where marriage would be needed....it wouldn't change anything.
I told him that his 'new' version of the future was inconsistent with what I want for mine and that I would have to decide whether I could live with what he said or whether I should move on.
What really ties so much of my emotional turmoil together is that my BF's son is stationed with my son. The 'charges' against my son are minor or bulls*t. YET, his son has been caught sleeping on duty in his MP car, has torn out the undercarriage of that vehicle while joy riding, been caught drunk (he was 18 at the time) and NOW his son pulled his weapon, chambered a round an pointed it at a fellow soldiers head and said that he was going to kill the guy!!!!! (And his NCO who intervened) Ya know what they are doing to him????? Nothing!!!!!!! This sense of outrage and unfairness is also causing me to feel anger at my BF even though he has nothing to do with whether they charge his son or not.
Sorry that this is so long......
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